Sometimes I get that overwhelming feeling.
So sad, the faces on tv.
If I tried to make a difference, would it help anyway?
But then I stop and to myself I say...

So you wanna change the world?
What are you waiting for?
Say you're gonna start right now.
What are you waiting for?
It only takes one voice.
So come on now and shout it out.
Give a little more.
What are you waiting for?

Sometimes, I feel a little helpless.
Seems like I can't do a thing.
But anything is possible, just you wait and see.
Good things happen, if you just believe.

So you wanna change the world?
What are you waiting for?
Say you're gonna start right now.
What are you waiting for?
It only takes one voice.
So come on now and shout it out.
Give a little more..
What are you waiting for?

physics test today didnt go well. i suppose i really shldnt care, what with ppl saying that the first three months is the honeymoon period, but mr raufie seems to be giving me a bit of extra attention, which is goodi guess but i dont want it hmm.
and i did something so dumb during phy prac today. plus i've broken a beaker and a conical flask during chem pracs so far. and i screwed up chem assignments so ms tang has been showing some concern with regard to my school work. it's times like this i feel kinda silly and dumb and i wonder if that is what people see. and if people ask themself where my prelims and olevels results came from, just like how i've been asking myself. and im just remembering how matt or wailumn would ask me to stop saying shit like that..i miss them!

chinese dance today wasnt very eventful, but was tiring all the same. though i wasnt running around or during anything close to increasing my heartrate, just being in the hall without the air conditioner on was kinda tormenting. anyway, im quitting it if im staying in rj. for a hundred and one personal reasons. ranging from my reluctance to wear a leotard to me wanting to find something else i or may not, i wouldnt know until i've tried enjoy more.

and i had nothing to do between 4pm to 5pm while waiting fr dance to start today..i wish there was like df to busy myself with..and seeing johnathan after school and yuhui around and knowing that i wouldnt be seeing them at rehearsals anymore just felt weird. and kinda sad i suppose.

dramafest is over and that probably means no more late nights in school, staying back for briefings, painting blocks and benches etc. i'll really miss everyone who participated and helped made mtdf such a success. i love all of you! no we didnt win but our play went very very well and i suppose that matters most. i hope this doesnt end here and everyone will still hang out together or something.
i guess no amount of words can express the way one feels after a performance/concert, like after eds night'04 and '05. after everything ends u feel happy but also a sense of emptiness, cause those are the ppl you've spent 2weeks slogging away with and u realise there is probably no more of that, and suddenly it feels bit like a dream or something..i dno..im blabbering. :D

i cant believe there's a phy and math test next week and im getting back posting results!

sometimes we need to realise that just because things arent going our way, it may not neccessarily be going the wrong way...that somehow life turns out fine, despite all the confusion that surrounds us when we make choice, a decision, that may at some point of time seem crucial, but seem so insignificant when we look back at it 10 years later...
and i know it sucks to have to leave something behind, to have to move on and it sucks even more when people tell you to 'move on, that's the way life is' cause it's all so cliche and sometimes u just need someone to bitch about life with, to share ur sentiments and feel miserable with..im not prepared to be that person, simply because sometimes there isnt much point in it, and difficult as it may seem, i believe that u'll find ur place elsewhere and u ought to start thinking that way too.

i ask myself time and again why i get so affected by all that u do; like i really shouldnt care less cause u're simply a bastard and hypocrite, pretending that your reasons make sense, like im supposed to feel sorry and apologetic...and still i dont get an answer. it irritates me that i acted the way i did...i wish i didnt, but im not so sure if i would have reacted differently if i could live through all of that again.

i have so much much uncompleted homework which i dont feel like doing. =(

hello :D

i submitted my jae application and i chose rj. second choice tj. third mj. manily because i cant bare to leave my class and og and try to fit in all over again. (:

valentine's day wasnt much fun for me this year. in dunman it was this huge thing and we go across the whole sch giving out presents; i used to feel like santa. this yr i got chocs from my darling classmates but i myself didnt have time to purchase anything for them. heh. <3 to aggychew bernie parker yuru yuhua tianhui shalom

anyway i stayed back really late after chinese dance for dramafest on monday and toffa and i went s11 for dinner after that.(: dramafest is quite fun but maybe it's cause im in it with my og friends.

vday night went chijmes for stuff and it was really beautiful with nice lightings and ambience and i saw so many couples. rather envious of the girls holding their bouquet of flowers; though im not really into flowers seeing as how they die easily ,it's a sweet gesture! and went raffles hotel too. that was really pretty! i shall get married there or at least take wedding shots there. (: oh i sorta forgot that i dont intend to get married but if i do it's raffles!

chinese dance is becoming more fun (: though it's still different from what i did in dunman high but it's still dance and like i dno...exploring movements? and the ppl there are really nice and patient with my inability to pick up steps i think. (:

my first proper chem quiz tday. kinda had one before the lectures started and this is a retest! the exact same paper. im proud to say i did better than before..goes to show i actually learnt something from the lectures no? i decided to study hard from the beginning of jc life and not idle my time away like i did in dhs until just before the prelims. (: feel proud of me darlings!

life at rj feels less empty now that im participating in dramafest and doing something that is similar to staying back last year and slogging and rehearsing for SYF and eds night...i hope this doesnt mean im a workaholic...i just enjoy engaging myself in various projects cause it makes me feel like im doing something constructive. :D and im probably getting use to the hour-long travelling time. if it really becomes too far, marie and i are thinking of renting a unit at rafflesia. :D yah right.

in short, life's good. (for now.) cause coming to rj has sort of been a roller coaster ride...one day i feel happy, the next day i feel demoralised. i hope everyone else is doing great too! :D

<3, me

i was like freaking out before getting back results me and charlotte felt we were so screwed! i was like close to tears cause they were announcing how everyone did so well and i was thinking i might be the only one weeping at the end of everything.

but anyway i did better than expected! a seven. half a year ago it wldnt have crossed my mind that this was even close to possible! i mean like i've been top ten in the class frm the back since sec1 and i never really bothered studying or thinking about what's gna happen if i screwed up papers. and like prelims was a frigging miracle and i was so sure that i wasnt gna be that lucky twice but reality proved otherwise. yea well but since everyone else did very very well too so like my results sorta arent all that good. so thats kinda sucky. but still, congrats to all my darling dunmanians :D

and now i dno whether to take PCME cause my phy and chem are A2 and B3 respectively, which goes to show im not a sci student plus im not gna be a chemist or an engineer and i dnt even like chem. and the only reason im sci stream was cause i assumed that sciences are not very subjective subjects so they should be easier to score but if im not cut out for it how am i gna score. yet if i were to go arts stream it'll be a complete waste of time i mean like what..get a bachelor degree in geog in the future? and im not even into geog at all(did i mention i got an A1. too freaky considering my geog sucks and my dearest ss which was the only humanities i really studied for got me an A2.) and im definitely not taking hist and like aint it too late to start on TSD plus i might end up with a C for that. so it's like either struggle with sci in rj or go poly?

hellohello.

cny day1. went to visit my bro's godparents. then went home where my dad's friends, uncle ben and uncle alex came. i must say their kids are looking better each year :) but sadly i didnt speak to anyone of them(as usual). we just sat around and watched tv while the adults talked amongst themselves. maybe they dont like me much. =/ one of daddy's other friends, uncle hong didnt come. according to uncle ben's wife, uncle hong's son is on campussuperstar. and he's relatively good looking i must say. (: sadly, i've hardly ever spoken to him despite meeting him once a year since i was a baby. ain't it miserable seeing ppl once a year, never speaking to them(esp when they are goodlooking!) and knowing the same thing is gna happen next yr.

day2 went fr dimsum in the morn with my cousins and all. then went to tm hoping to catch a movie but sadly the queue was freakin long so we went to eat ice cream at swensens. went home and some distant relatives came by to visit. went to my aunt's house in the evening and by the time i reached all the relatives have left to go to another aunt's house so we left soon after having dinner and went to the other aunt's house and ate steamboat there and then i went to my godmum's house at night.

day3 i went to catch i not stupid too and i reccommend that you watch it. (: then i went to my cousin's house, had dinner and went home.

as i grow older cny pretty much loses it's appeal. there's nothing much to do and there's nothing much to say to the ppl i meet cause im not even close to them. makes everything feel kinda meaningless. and this yr i only received 300bucks worth of angbao money which is a 100bucks less than previous years i dnt understand why. did everyone grow poorer? heh =P

back to sch on wed and same boring stuff with tutorials and lectures. had my first chinese dance session that day and i was late! cause i thought it starts at 530 when in fact, it starts at 5. heh. anyway i thought i did really badly what with all the other dancers being able to do spilts and all effortlessly. i shall just have to practise a lot more i guess. but i did feel rather lousy. and i reached home at like 9 that night. maybe rj is too far fr me. and maybe the ppl there are too good fr me to be worthy heh.

AND my feet was hurting kind of badly on wed and thurs. it was already painful before cny but i thought it was nothing but maybe i wore heels over cny or something but it became more painful. so i went to see a chinese physician on thur night. i almost died lah. he got some suction thingy and sucked my feet until he found the part that was most painful and diagnoised that i sprained it there. then he used some black stick, which i believe had spikes, to whack my feet. and then he took the suction thingy and sucked out BLOOD. too freaky. i was whimping and tearing and screaming lah. and he and my mum were laughing and he was i was worse than a pri 1 girl he just treated. $&%#^!!

on fri morn MY FEET STILL HURT AND IT WAS SWELLING so my mum was like.."dont go sch lah" and i went like "really ar..." and she said "yah dont go lah anyway it's first 3 mths" HMM what sort of mentality is that? hah. of course i obliged and then i just lazed around at home and i went to parker's house for class bbq at night. (:

he stays at bukit panjang OMG so frigging far. i took train to jurong east and changed train to chao chu kang and took the lrt for THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE to bukit panjang. LRT is like sky train really except that the windows turns opaque. i thought that it was for shade or something but parker told me it was to prevent ppl frm peeking into other ppl's houses? anyway class bbq was pretty fun..didnt really get to eat much as usual but that's okay (: parker's family were really nice cooking salad and buying stuff fr us. then we just fooled around a bit, shalom tried to get ppl wet and she was really high, in the mood fr unhooking the girls lol. and chinnam was funny as usual; looking at him makes me wna laugh. so at 9plus or so we went up to parker's house and sat around and played card games and then ppl started leaving and only me and yuru were left. so me parker and yuru sat together and played more card games and talked a bit. and soon it was time to go home cause i was meeting mum and granny at the void deck at 1145 after their movie. oh yes and parker's lil brother is really cute ok and all of them think im a paedophile for saying that but they all think the same way i can tell. and he was going on about how their hamster hammie(what a typical name for a hamster!) was gna die and he's like such an animal lover(says parker) and parker was like feigning interest and concern over the possible death of the hamster saying thinks like "oh really?" "wow" "so it's gna die?" me and yuru cld have died laughing.

and the results are supposedly gna be released next week i hope it's not fri. that'd be too long a wait. i mean duh one part of me doesnt wna get back the results cause i just know that i did worse than prelims but all that waiting/anticipation will soon drive me nuts. im expecting anything between 9-13 and if i get below that i promise to study really hard for alevels to show my appreciation to all the upper beings who have blessed me and i really dnt wna get above 13. =/

ooh what a long and boring post about my life. my blog is like a recount of something hmm.
<3, me