house party on thursday night. it was okay. just had fun with sau and random ppl. (:

parker's <33 bday party yesterday! the food was great. and it was a whole lot of fun playing silly games like murderer and blowwindblow, with everyone being happy and perky and cheery and all like what it was during the first 3 months. was supposed to meet yuru and all at 2pm but i woke up at 1230! and i was so flustered. haha. by the time i finished replying smses and bathed and got dressed and had lunch it was raining cats and dogs so i could only leave the house at 3? and then we just walked around and bought a whole bunch of things for parker shared by 16 of us from the class. (: we shopped till 7 and were late for the party! but he seemed happy with the presents and im so pleased with us. :D

selflessness and selfishness are subjective. and who am i to judge and critisize human nature?

today, my bro called me and my mum after my doc's appointment at 12plus to tell us that the nurse from my great grandfather's old folks' home to tell us that he was dying. my heart sank. i dont really know how to describe how i felt then. my grandma went down to johor(yes that was where the old folks home was. not singapore but far far away in johor.) with my granduncle to visit him immediately. in the afternoon while me and my bro were watching tv we got another call that told us that he had passed away. according to my mum he passed away after seeing my grandma and granduncle and saying a few words to them. it's as if he'd been waiting for them? the last time my bro visited him, he told him he could barely remember them...amnesia i think. and the last time they visited, i didnt even go with them. too busy? too lazy? is there ever going to be a good enough reason? would one cry over the death of someone they barely knew? cause i did. but i cant understand why i did. just a sudden burst of emotions. regret guilt maybe sadness. sadness that my relative passed away. sadness that i couldnt have made more of an effort. that my whole family couldnt. that he's gone and who's really gna miss him when we barely knew him. sadness that wasnt enough to stop me from carrying on with life as normal. for here i am still blogging. still chatting online. my memories of him are very limited. i confess that i've never made a conscious effort to get to know him better. one think that sticks in my mind about him is this inside joke we have about my great grandma. there are times he and my great grandma come to stay with us when my granduncle goes overseas. and for the few days i just take it that he and my great grandma are there. just there. language barrier is one reason why we don't really communicate. i cant speak dialect. but is that enough reason to not try to know your elders well? as his great granddaughter the most i have done is turn on the tv for him and pass him the newpapers. i cant say that if i knew this would happen, i would have done bla bla bla. because life and death are part and parcel of life. and he was 90+. (no, i dont even know his exact age.) so i did know that this was going to happen. i guess it's just sad, that at the end of it all, he's going to die in a different country, cremated in a different country, with his only 2 children at his deathbed, and i cant even remember the last time i saw him? i can vaguely remember the white hair, and how my grandma would sometimes cut his hair in the kitchen when he stayed over. my mum is in malaysia now, along with my aunts and uncles for his funeral. i dno how it's gna be done. probably a simple one. so this is life huh? i dont want my grandparents who have lived with me all my life to leave the same way. i dont want my parents to leave the same way. but can i promise to make the last moments of their lives worthwhile? at the end of the day, are we all too caught up with our lives to have time for the people who should be the closest to us?

you come in this world and you go out just the same
the chronicles of life and death
-good charlotte