haiz. i really shld b studyin fer mi cl tez nuw. or im prepared to fail. bt...dere's much on my mind.

you know all the philosophical stuff people sae. things happen fer a reason. face evry challenge bravely. blablablah. well. it's easier said than done. *sigh. maybe i was too lucky. to not have to face all the awful stuff ppl face. i noe tt dese small things aren't suppose to make mi collasp. n i noe i wun. bt im tired of trying. tryin to make things betta. n facin the disappointment when tings dun change fer the better. sumtyms i feel lost. nt noeing wad i want, or wad 2 do 2 get wad i want. n i feel scared. of the conequences of the lil tings i do. im tired of guessing. of all the logical thinking involved when i decide to do or nt 2 do sumting. so wad if tings happen 4 a reason? i dun care abt reason. i juz wan...closure. n embrace life. hah. im tryin. n tryin. yt i noe evry laughter is juz a front to hide all the displeasure. im tryin 2 b as optimistic as possible. bt dere r juz tings 2 bring mi down. i nid a break. i wan a break. juz sleep a couple of daes away. n maybe one morning i'll wake up and really b able to "not care" n b happi with wadeva life throws at mi. fer nuw...it's juz exhaustion...yep

n yvonne...we shall jia you 2gether. cheer up~